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BackDoor's Ramblings: Catching Up...With Yourself

As many as you know, or maybe you don't know, I took a long break from the community. As you can see, I'm back. I've actually been working my way back into DXM for a little over a month now. Why did I take a break? Why was I gone for so long? Why did I come back? These are questions that I shall answer in the following paragraphs, and questions that need to be addressed from a standpoint other than my own. I'll give you my explanation to all of these questions and more, but the real motif behind this column is for everyone reading this to do a self-analysis. I simply want you to take a step back, think about your life, gaming, family and friends, and know when to turn to a friend (whether online or off) and take a break from it all for some personal time.

Without going into great detail, I'll start with the reason for explaining why I took a well deserved break that got me refreshed and ready to contribute to the DX community once again. Back in mid March I had to come to grips with some family problems that hit me like a tornado dropping from a dark clouded sky, ripping up all the land around it. Besides dealing with these problems, I also had some personal relationship problems that caused me to do a lot of self-evaluating. All of this created a lot of underlying stress. What are you talking about when you say, "underlying stress"? I mean, the stress I was being subjected to wasn't apparent in my work performance, outside appearance, or attitude towards others. You could not tell I was stressed, not even my best friend could. I noticed a change in my attitude and self esteem when I was alone though, and I started to self-analyze everything about me, and had to basically be my own Psychologist and get myself and life back in order for ME. That's right, ME comes first. I don't mean ME as in James Webb (aka BackDoorBandit), but I mean ME as in you. Take note of this people, because before you can better others or function at 100% and be truly happy, you've got to take care of yourself. Even if this means takings a break from the online community as I did, among other things.

So, you understand why I took a break, but now I'm sure you're wondering why I was gone for nearly two whole months. Well, considering the circumstances and the way I was mentally (just wanted to get away from it all, sort of speak) those two months were my healing time, and time for me to get remotivated to do what I love doing, playing games and being part of the online community once again. That's a simple enough, straightforward answer. Now lets move to the third question, and probably the most interesting of them all.

Why did I come back? I'm a PC gamer. I love this stuff. I love TTLG. I love the TTLG community as a whole. I love the Deus Ex community as well. I love my online friends. I love writing and journalism as a whole. You see; we all need a break sometime. Knowing when to say when, take a step back from the PC, and getting our personal lives straight is a must. I am an avid Looking Glass fan, as are the rest of you. I love waiting for that next game from the minds of those that created games such as Ultima, System Shock, Thief, and now Deus Ex. I couldn't leave forever.

To wrap this all up so that you all know exactly what I'm getting at: if you need a break, take one. We'll all be here for you when you get back. Take care of yourself, your family, and your personal relationships first. Why am I telling you this? Because I have such a close tie to a lot of you, and when I took my break I felt somewhat like I was alienating you all. I know now this wasn't the case, and I want everyone out there to know that a certain level of mental maintenance is a must and should come before our online, somewhat geeky relationships with games and online friends.

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